Have I told you yet about my new car? I have? I did mention that I have now joined the ranks of the reviled*, haven’t I? And yet, have I described this new beauty vehicle used solely for transportation DON’T GET ANY IDEAS HERE LADY, YOU ARE NOT TO GET ATTACHED TO ME! I AM ONLY A CAR! JUST A CAR! BACK AWAY SLOWLY! ?
No?
Well, let me fill you in. It’s a 1998 Honda CR-V. I have no idea what CR-V stands for. Anyone? Can’t Remember Violin? Car Roars Vroom? Crushed Rusty Vehicle?
It’s black. The last, and only, black car I owned was a 1995 Jaguar, now conscripted to ferrying my children around on their alternate 50%, and used most likely to determine Net Worth Of The Estate when it comes time to divide the marital property.
I hated that Jaguar. I was afraid to drive it, afraid I’d scratch it or something, and then what happens? Only a month after dropping four trillion dollars on it (ARE YOU CRAZY! YOU CAN BUY A HOUSE FOR THAT!) someone backed into it in a parking lot and then drove off. My first New Car and it was forever tainted. I was so happy to release it amd all that it stood for (can you say OSTENTATIOUS? WASTEFUL?) and buy the Volvo, but was incredibly surprised that it never got sold despite my many Auto Trader ads and its obvious appeal. Or aren’t people swayed these days by black leather and burlwood interiors? Maybe it’s the 12 miles per gallon thing. I don’t know. At any rate, I’m glad I’m not driving and maintaining that albatross anymore.
So. The SUV. Actually, it’s not an SUV. It’s a sport-utility vehicle. What? That’s the same thing? Really? Let’s see….. S…..U…..V….. Oh. Right. Well, I hardly think this one is much good for either sports or utility, but we haven’t taken it to IKEA yet. It does have its own table, though. That’s right, a freaking TABLE, built right into the back hatchy area. What for, camping in the Ozarks? An impromptu picnic perhaps? (Say, honey, let’s pull over at the side of the road with this handy baguette and pate fois gras I just happen to have here, and use that 2×2′ table in the back while we stand around near it because THEY FORGOT THE CHAIRS, okay?) Fun, hey?
So, interior-wise, it’s, um, ugly. The pattern on the faux-velour reminds me of Aztec wallpaper meets the 80’s. It’s in shades of teal and fuschia. I think I’ve gotten used to it already though, either that or it’s already covered with dog hair.
And sparse. But apparently Honda is known for that, since this one reminds me of the 1974 Civic I used to drive. Same amenities.
But the worst part? It smells like a rental car.
I still love it though.
*SUV owners
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