Lion and Magic Boy

Dear Neighbor-across-the-way,

I realize that energy costs have plummeted lately, but is that any reason to leave your porch light on all night? You know, the one with the 400-watt bulb that shines right into the grand 2-story foyer window in my house, 200 square feet of wasted space, just a mere ten feet from yours? That’s right, the one that lights up my entire house, cheerfully bringing us daylight at 3 am, as if we were suddenly transported to Hammerfest, Norway. In summer. That one. I notice how you turn the light OFF at 7 am every morning, so I know it’s not an oversight, and besides, who is coming to visit you in the night anyway that needs a porch light? You don’t have any friends EITHER.

Maybe that’s from your habit of allowing your moving truck to block the ENTIRE communal driveway, effectively blocking out 15 other neighbors from ingress or egress to their homes. After all, YOU are DEFINITELY more important.

But are you sure you want to store your dirty laundry in piles on the upstairs foyer where I can see them through our mutual 2-story windows? Because when you have THAT light on, the 200-watt beauty that lights up your entire house like a Macy’s shop window in December, we can see everything.
Like last night when you were leaning naked over the railing from the 2-story foyer while apparently calling to your husband down below. “Get me a towel!” you bellowed. Or maybe, “I’m ovulating!”. Don’t think I didn’t see you. Because I did. We all did.

So can I just say?

Ew.

Love,

Your Neighbors

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