I’m disgusted. How could I write what appears to me now to be the banality below about the contents of my refrigerator, when THIS is going on?
Nathaniel’s three loves this past year have been playing the cello, juggling, and playing chess. Interesting choices for a ten-year-old, no?
He began playing the cello last year in the 4th grade. All his classmates had begun either cello or violin the year before, and Nathaniel was required to take private lessons in addition to the twice-weekly classes to catch up.
At first, he was immensely frustrated. He couldn’t play, couldn’t read music, and there were several very talented cellists in his class that he simply could not compete with.
But after about two months, something clicked, and something changed. He LOOKED like a cello player, his playing improved astronomically, and by spring he was one of the strongest players in his class and he even played solo pieces for his class play. He couldn’t wait to practice at home every day, mostly twice a day. He’d play for hours if I let him.
Juggling took off a couple of years earlier, but this past year Nathaniel taught himself to juggle three rings and moved from three to four balls, plus learned lots of new tricks with three. I can’t manage TWO. He’d walk around the house, deep in conversation, while juggling. He taught a couple of classmates and together they’d practice tricks.
Michael taught Nathaniel chess. On many a weekend winter evering, they’d stay up late and play or discuss the finer points of the game. By spring they didn’t play much, but Nathaniel was still able to beat his grandfather, who for me at Nathaniel’s age was definitely the one to beat in my house.
All that changed last August when the children had to move to Pennsylvania and be with their father. We had to return the cello and Nathaniel’s father wouldn’t help pay to rent another, or for the lessons. Nathaniel takes his juggling balls over there when he goes to his dad’s house but seldom touches them; he says it isn’t the same. And he took a chess board over a few times but doesn’t like to play because his father is intensely competitive.
More importantly, Nathaniel has lost his confidence.
This week he began to play the cello again. It’s been two months since he touched a cello. We found a teacher and he had his first lesson today, and I am securing an instrument for him to play.
This new teacher doesn’t know Nathaniel, and has brought him back to the beginning, to the very most basic elements of technique.
It’s been devastating. I assured him it would all come back to him, but the joy has left.
He’s been hanging on, awaiting that joy, for two months now, and it’s not there anymore.
Tonight Nathaniel and Michael brought out the chess board again. It’s been months. Again, Nathaniel seemingly forgot his aggressive plays and was close to losing before Michael stopped the game and turned it into a teaching session before the tears came.
I hate what has happened to my boy. And Serena has become a little wraith, pale with dark circles under her eyes. Eric is just plain angry.
Poster children for the failure of joint custody and the court system.
And mostly I hate that there is nothing. I. can. do. about. this.
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