Lion and Magic Boy

Disclaimer: I’d like it known here and now that I have no intention of mentioning either Britney Spears or her unfortunate husband K-Something-or-Other (whom I wouldn’t recognize if he came up and rubbed his bristly scalp all over me, whom I might add has the SLOWEST and STUPIDEST web site I’ve ever visited, where I couldn’t even wait for the incessant downloading to finish, over and over, in order to find and view and mock a photo of him JUST FOR YOU, INTERNET, and I finally had to resort to Wikipedia to satisfy my morbid curiosity. Only for you, Internet, would I ever do such a thing. You need to know this.) in today’s post.

By the way? I know I said I wouldn’t talk about this, but at the website? No, no, never mind, I said I wouldn’t talk about it. I have no interest. Let the people get on with their lives.

So. You were saying?

Oh. I was saying? Oh. Yes. That.

[Insert masterful segue here]

Lately I’ve noticed a change in my vision. Nope, not a need for, ulp, reading glasses, NOT. YET. ANYWAY., but something else: I think I have Word Juxtaposition Disorder (WJD). The other day, for instance, I was driving past a church with one of those churchly billboards that always seem to be missing a letter or two but attempting to boast a pithy and pious quip designed to make some poor athiestic slob slam on the brakes and suddenly swerve into the parking lot and run inside to breathlessly tell the High Priestess or Preacher Man or whatever they’ve got in those places, “I’ve been meaning to Get Saved one day. Might as well be today. Must’ve been that pithy quote on that thar sign that did it. Thank ewe Jeezus! And prayze the Lawd!”.

The message on this particular billboard read, as I drove past:

Blessed are the Pancakes

I swear! And I was thinking, yes, pancakes, they are a slice of heaven, aren’t they? Let’s bless them! All syruped up, maybe a little butter, and oh, a side of bacon (mmm, bacon…..), yep, pancakes!

And then I noticed, a slight doubletake, that it actually read:

Blessed Are The Peacemakers.

Oh. Pancakes. Peacemakers. Oh so similar, and oh so easy to confuse!

This happens all the time. Usually I just shake my head with a slight rueful grin, oh-so-self-deprecatingly, and move on.

Or…..here’s my alternate explanation. See, we’re all living in parallel universes, but simultaneously! And The Great Oz or someone else with an authority complex (Hey! You got to play god yesterday, it’s my turn!) decides to play little tricks on us once in awhile, and switches the letters around. But really fast, so we don’t see. So those weird phrases really exist, somewhere, or should I say…..[insert ominous music here] some-when.

Ha. I bet that’s it.

It so can’t be my eyes, and I definitely don’t need glasses. No way.