I realize I am totally taking my life into my hands, or at least the fate of dozens of glass ornaments and the feet that might crunch into their shards, but today I did a 180 and bought a Christmas tree. The Christmas-tree place was thankfully devoid of customers, everyone else in the universe having already bought theirs weeks ago, leaving only the Charlie Brown trees on the lot, but I did get some personal attention from the Christmas Tree Guy.
CTG: Can I help you?
Me: I have two kittens and a toddler. Do you have anything I should take home, or should I skip the tree and just go straight into therapy?
CTG: [laughs deprecatingly]
Me: Seriously. I want a tree.
CTG: Well if you put it in a corner you can attach it to the wall with fishing line.
Apparently he does not know my landlord. No holes in the wall, please.
Me: [ignoring comment] How about this little one? I could maybe put it on a table out of their reach.
CTG: [laughs louder] Sure, if you want it to topple over and kill someone. No, your best bet is to put it in the corner.
Me: [withering stare] I don’t have a corner. [looks around] I’ll take this one.
So they put my tree in its plastic net on top of my vehicle and I don’t even care if it’s going to scratch the top. See how far I’ve come in letting-go?
Once home I unload groceries, taking them around to the front door, and prepare to set up the Christmas tree stand so I can bring the tree in and set it up to surprise the children who I have already informed dolefully several times that we probably won’t be having a tree this year.
As I step around the building to the door, I notice that my neighbor is standing on her identical-to-mine porch. In her socks. I can hear her talking, is she on the phone?
“I’m. Locked. Out. He. Locked. Me. Out. He. Locked. Me. Out.”
I put two and two together and figure out that her smaller child, about Eric’s size, has somehow locked her out. Fun!
Uh, what should I do? I’m pretty sure that my key won’t fit her lock, and if it does I do not want to know about it. So I won’t mention it.
I get another load of groceries, and bring it in and then begin putting the tree stand together. I can still hear her talking out there. Loudly.
I should mention that even though our front doors are, what, 15 feet apart? and we’ve been neighbors for, what, 3 months? we’ve never said a word to each other. I’ve never actually seen her face. Usually all I see of her is when she takes the trash-can-on-wheels around to the front of the building every Tuesday afternoon for Wednesday morning pickup (I do mine in cover of darkness of course). And all I see of him is about once every 2 weeks when he grills something outside my front door. Mmm, tasty!
So now I’m going back out to fetch the Christmas tree. She’s on the phone, still on the porch in her socks, and she makes eye contact. She starts saying, “My son locked me out and–” when I make that face, you know, the wow-I’m-really-shocked-face, big round O-mouth, wide eyes, the works. I am showing how shocked I am. Oh, no, she’s locked out! It must have been weird to her, though, because I think I began to make the face before she got the words out, not knowing that I’ve been eavesdropping and already know she’s locked out by her kid.
Oops.
[Is there a "How To Act Human" course?]
She tells me that her husband is on his way from his work, 40 minutes away, to unlock the door, and we make polite talk about getting locked out and how she was just taking a diaper out (must have been quite a diaper) when her son locked the door, and now of course he’s refusing to unlock it. (”Why is Mommy making that face in the window? Funny, funny Mommy! Hi Mommy!”)
I go and get the tree, and bring it toward the door. She’s play-by-playing my movements to the person she’s on the phone with, “The least I can do is open the door for this woman with her Christmas tree….” and she opens my front door. Which means she can see into my house.
Gah.
I close the door and proceed to erect the tree. The kittens are very interested in this process.
Soon there are voices outside. The husband? Nope, another mom and two identical toddlers. I work at the computer, trying to ignore the voices right outside my window. Should I go outside and be neighborly? Commiserate? Train binoculars on them through the window?
I think I’ll just stay in here and hide.
[tags]neighbor, ignore, oops[/tags]
December 17th, 2006 at 12:40 pm
Well, as a person who only casually speaks to two of my neighbors, while in passing, I can certainly understand. Apartment life sucks, I would really rather do anything than live in an apartment building with eight units.
I face the front office at the front of our complex. Fortunately, when I look out the window all I ever see is the pool. This makes for quite an experience in the summer when it is open, but outside of this, I rarely ever see anyone that lives here.
The tree… well, my Elainah keeps taking the ornaments off. I had to replace three boxes of glass ornaments that were broken last year by E and C. I keep finding those long fishing hooks on the floor (I know they call them hangers, but they pierce skin just like a fish that has been unexpectedly caught by an old grumpy fisherman). Fortunately, none of the children have run one of these painful things into their foot.
I cannot say I have been so lucky.
I am sure the children will enjoy your tree, but it is likely going to be exactly the nuicense you expect it to be, maybe more.
Oh well, you did your motherly part to partake in the whole holiday event. Good luck!