Lion and Magic Boy

Yes, kids, it’s that time again. Time to roll out and mock the search terms that people have used to stumble across Lion and Magic Boy. Is your Mocking Hat on? Good, then let’s go:

1. neighbor parks right by my driveway

I know, I know, I can relate. But what can you do? Short of letting the air out of their tires. Which I don’t recommend.

2. english schoolgirls

Hmm, that’s a litle vague. Could you be more specific? I mean, if you Googled “hot english schoolgirls”, we’d know what you were looking for. But maybe you’re searching about “famous english schoolgirls”, which has a whole different spin. Next time, narrow down that search a little, willya?

3. naked magic schoolbus

See what a difference? Specific.

4. air mattress ikea

I’m pretty sure I told you they don’t have those there. Good luck.

5. poop catapult

Now we’re talking.

6. boy enema

I’m appalled at the sheer number of people searching for this. What are you people thinking? Wait, I don’t want to know.

7. cat accidentally pooping in house

We had that happen here yesterday, so I totally understand. What do you do when stuff sticks to your fur? I am so glad I’m not a cat.

8. clumping cat litter in toilet

I can understand your concern.

9. clean up dog poop in yard

I wholeheartedly agree. Won’t you be my neighbor?

10. dog poops all over yard

See #9.

11. clean magic erasers being pulled

Huh??

12. how to build a model catapult that throws at least 15 feet

15 feet? Why not go for 20 while you’re at it?

13. lady who look to give boys enemas & cat

No, no, and no. Just no. Go away.

14. magic fingers and magic toes

Now YOU I like! You may stay.

15. asleep lolling nap

Like on an airplane. That little head-jerk that reminds you that you’ve been sitting there with your mouth open, drooling a little on your tray table. Fabulous, and thanks for reminding me about those moments.

16. poetry on farewell to college

Awwww. Care to share?

17. BIG PICTURES OF THINGS THAT LIONS EAT

Why do the pictures have to be BIG? And why do you speak in ALL CAPS? (SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT’S LIKE SHOUTING!)

18. moms fuck

Why yes, they do. Which is how you got here in the first place. So you may go thank your mom now.

19. lion that does anything you tell it

I want one of those too.

20. magic blinking light

Ooh, pretty!

21. be careful what you wish for

Indeed. Not as a threat, but as a reminder. Be specific, and you’ll eventually end up with everything you need and desire. Which is what I hope for each and every one of you.