A few weeks ago I wrote a post up at Strollerderby about an alphabet based on color. It sounded really cool and like something I could relate to. I have always corresponded colors to letters, and to all sorts of things: days of the week, numbers, names, certain words. If I thought about it, I suppose everything verbal would have a color associated with it, but generally I turn off that option when processing information.
So imagine my surprise and pleasure when I heard personally from the guy who designed and developed the color alphabet!
Well, maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised, being all famous and a rock star now the way I am.
And then I re-read my post and found that I had sort of almost made light of his creation. Oops. I really thought his alphabet was great, but I was dubious about its usefulness to others, simply because people are typically resistant to new ways of doing things. And I said so, but in a sort of snarky way. But he didn’t seem to take that personally and was really friendly and helpful…just a guy excited about something he created and wanting other people to enjoy it too. Artists are like that.
We got an atlas the other day. I wrote another post not long ago about a new children’s atlas and I started reminiscing about hours spent as a child lying on the livingroom floor flipping through the huge atlas we had. Nathaniel was ready for that since he’s already been making me quiz him on world capitals from his globe. It’s a huge book, weighs more than Eric. I have no idea where we’ll keep it, but it’ll have many uses, I’m sure: flower press, weight training, door stop…
Last night, late, I heard anguished sounds coming from Nathaniel’s room. I went in, and the light was still on. That’s not much of a surprise since he regularly falls asleep with it on (it must be my job to turn it off, because I do, every night). He was hopping up and down next to his bed, face screwed up in pain. His iPod fell from his ears. I had the impression he had a cramp. In his foot maybe? Leg? I kept asking, but all he did was groan and hop up and down. He wouldn’t let me touch him. Then he abruptly lay down on the floor and closed his eyes, clearly asleep within 3 seconds.
Weird? Um, yes. But he’s been doing that kind of thing for years.
I had a dream sort of like that once. I had just begun a really stressful job that I took extremely seriously and it inhabited my entire being: daytimes, nighttimes, 24/7. I was in the midst of trying to hire people to get fully staffed, and it was an arduous process. One night I awoke to find myself standing in the middle of the room, holding my hand out that was (I thought) holding something. In my dream I had been about to use a copy machine and was holding someone’s hiring information to copy.
Did I tell you? I had some more thoughts recently relating to personal power. I’ve realized that I’ve been giving power away by being in fear over what others could potentially do, which caused me to want to do something in response. But defensiveness doesn’t work. Resistance doesn’t work. Not when there’s someone bent on applying aggression. Realizing this, at first I felt powerless. I knew what I had been doing wasn’t working, but I didn’t know what to do instead. Now I see it: by not resisting, you can allow the other person’s energy to carry them up, over, and back down again. Meaning that it will expend itself before it can really harm you.
It’s kind of a frightening concept, though, because you do have to allow yourself vulnerability. So imagine the very worst-case scenario that you can and live with that possibility for awhile. Realizing that “everything will always be okay” (my mantra for years: why did I abandon that one?) and that things do develop as they need to, releases the need to manage the situation. Remembering, too, that no one can take anything away from you unless you give them that power, helps too.
So I may still be knocked off balance from time to time, but I remember now that I always come back to center. And within that center is my own personal core of power, which we all have access to at all times. And my inner strength is far superior to anything anyone can throw at me, because like you, I have access to all the power in the Universe at all times. Power through aggression is self-limiting, fed only by negative thoughts and emotions, but the power of the Universe comes from Love, which is greater than everything.
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