What you’re describing feeling after your dream, too, is the same type of feeling anyone who has loved someone with a disability, or to take it even further, a terminal illness, feels. My mom died years ago after a 5-year battle royale with cancer, and when she finally died, all I felt was relief. I was 21, and I was so horrified at myself for not feeling the intense pain and sadness that those around me seemed to be feeling. I didn’t cry, at least not for weeks, because I was really just relieved that my mom’s pain and my family’s torture had ended. Don’t beat yourself up over feeling this way after a dream. I don’t know you, but I assume your day-to-day emotions are intense — which is why you felt that relief. You don’t wish your son harm; you just wish the intensity would abate a bit.

I think you would be surprised how many other parents in the world have very similar feelings and fears and guilt, but your honesty sets you apart. And you know what? Eric is a very fortunate little boy to have such a caring, compassionate, introspective person raising him. And loving him intensely.

Deb – this seemed so huge when I wrote it, but it feels now as if there is always room for honesty, true honesty.

Steve – wow, channeling Eckhart Tolle? I may have to consult with you… Think too much? I don’t know, I thought (oh, that word again!) that this was about feeling. Hmm, I may have to think (!!) about that…

You are normal, and like most normal people, you think too much.

The modern mindset learned from an early age is that, “You are what you think, You are what you feel, You are what you do”. In truth you `are` none of these things, they are fleeting and temporary, and do not define you, although the ego will try to tell you so.

The mind is such a busy thing that thinking the thoughts are not enough, now you need to think about the thoughts you though, and then think about the feelings that arouse from those thoughts, and so forth in and endless cycle.

Accept the thoughs and emotions for what they are without the significance that the ego desires. Having all the answers is not all it’s cracked up to be, sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Yikes, I seem to be channeling Eckhart Tolle, and he is not even dead yet!

Steve

i think every parent feels this way about some things and it is part of the whole…..AND it is so not “socially acceptable” to say it.

i wish i hadn’t had 4 kids….i am one over my limit but i didn’t know that til i had 4, kind of confusing but still true. it isn’t any one of them in particular i would give back….and i am learning to surrender to the lessons involved as authentically as i can….

lots of that i am learning from you

I think it says only that you are a normal human being, albeit perhaps one w/ more of a penchant for rigourous honesty about self to self than a great many others have yet to evolve into.

Life and love (for what’s the difference?) offers scant few clean, high contrast lines delineating between the polar opposites Lao Tzu coined as yin/yang. From what I’ve seen of the perspective we’re granted (or more likely ‘choose’) as we tread the path the choices look at best fractal, if not simply murky.

I think it is the simplification devices we call ‘mind’ which desire clear distinctions where none truly exist. We want to filter out all patterns except those we hope to confirm existing bias’ – including those we’ve been programmed or imprinted to hold as our own.

So, again, I think in this post you’re simply acknowledging parts of self most are unwilling or as yet unable to admit to for fear of being judged – and that’s a good thing. I attribute that to advanced soul age more than anything else.

/s