Oops. Apparently I’ve left a few things hanging here. Stones left unturned. Or maybe partially turned, I don’t know, because the metaphor doesn’t seem to be working.
At any rate, my apologies to those of you who have been hanging on my every word, not for the actual act of course of hanging on my every word, which is the thing I adore about you the most, but mostly for the fact that I have neglected to close parentheses, to close comments, uh, I mean to bring certain open-ended situations to a close.
Something like that. Yeah.
Anyway. Let’s go back to Vancouver, shall we? No wait, let’s go even farther back to the day when I suddenly had to squint because someone stole the sunglasses right out of my pocket I may have inadvertantly dropped my sunglasses while grocery shopping. Remember that? Well, then fast forward to Vancouver, where I did the exact same thing. Same thing. This after having dropped more than $100 on a replacement. Matthew pointed out that in Vancouver people don’t need sunglasses because it’s just not that bright there, and while I could agree about that I don’t actually live in Vancouver, plus I was still miffed that some Chinese-grocery-store-shopper-person was now enjoying my sunglasses.
I have a new pair now. The other ones were kind of big, anyway. These are much, much better, and I have had them actually welded to my face so I can never never lose them. Ever. Nope. Its a little hard to sleep that way but it’s worth it knowing I will NEVER LOSE THESE.
I was in the grocery store today, was actually in two of them because the kids were coming back today from being at House of Ex for a few days and I figured they’d like something else to eat besides air, which is what I’ve been eating all week. I did two things of especial note and unprecedentd grace in the grocery store:
1. The cheese guy kind of smiled at me so I thought I’d be all cool and all and drag the shopping cart casually behind me when I left the deli counter in case anyone was looking, which was great until I caused a sucking chest wound by ramming the cart into my ankle (don’t ask me how that can cause a sucking chest wound, it just can). And now there is quite the bruise/gash on my ankle. And I may have said the word “fuck”. In the store. Out loud.
2. When I was exiting the store, only limping slightly, there was an extreeeeemlyyy slooooooooww old guy in front of me. Way slow. I became one with the snails for several minutes and tried not to follow too closely. But I rear-ended him anyway, having looked down just for a second, failing to notice that he had braked suddenly for someone else. I’m not sure he was even aware I had hit him, though, because although I apologized profusely from behind him he never turned around, not even to turn me to stone with a withering glance.
OK. Moving on.
Remember my trip to Colorado week before last? Just beforehand, I was worried about the, uh, output of my ass-cork cat. I know this has been keeping you awake at night, so I want to report that evidently he had no problems in my absence.
Whew! Sigh of relief, I know. And you can go get some sleep now. You’re welcome.
And the Wild Hot Tub Orgy in Colorado? Was pretty tame. Sorry. Though I did come out from changing my clothes, clad in my bathing suit and ready to disappear into the hot tub, when someone spotted me and said, “YOU’RE SKINNY!”
Wow, totally made my day. I said something semi-deprecating, and then he said, “NO REALLY, HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH, A HUNDRED?”
“Um, not quite,” smiling a little, feeling like this was getting weird. Or was he joking?
“NO, I MEAN IT, HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH?”
I told him. I didn’t have any choice; he was going to keep on until I did.
“REALLY, I DON’T UNDERSTAND IT! YOU’RE SKINNY!”
Dude. You’ve seen me in clothes. Did you think I’d look all that different from that? But dude. I heart you! Can I take you home with me and will you live next to my mirror that’d be just swell thanks.
The trip to Colorado itself was wonderful. Wonderful in a very different way than the previous trip, to Vancouver. Intense, though. And we got quite a bit accomplished. Writing a book, yay! And I got a nice little sunburn (I had forgotten about the sun at 9000 feet.) And, well, that’s another post. But with photos!
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