It’s been (pronounced “bean,” sort of) brought to my attention recently that I may have treated an entire country too harshly. Yes, I have dissed the whole nation of Canada. That vast blank pink space vaguely located “up” from where I live. That one.
I must make amends.
I also have to rectify a slight error I made in recounting a conversation Matthew and I had about Niagara Falls. He didn’t actually say “woo,” and this error causes me to prostrate myself with humble grief and perhaps some chocolate. This is the actual conversation:
Me: (after approximately 1.45 minutes at the falls) Okay, I’ve seen it.
Matthew: Then please allow me to escort you inside, my lady, and show you proper respect and obeisance. And also maybe massage your feet.
Me: Sure.
Matthew: Shall I use my cloak to cover this small puddle so your oh-so-attractive-yet-somehow-overlarge sheeplike boots are not sullied with moisture?
Me: Ummmm…
Matthew: Allow me to whittle this wooden bench for the pleasure of placing your shapely backside upon it to rest your weariness from the short walk we have just undertaken. My apologies for my failure to carry you farther.
Me: Knock yourself out.
Matthew: Perhaps my lady would care to enjoy the earth emanations arising from the large quantity of water falling rapidly just outside this humble palacelike arcade by placing her shapeliness upon said bench? Oh, and watch for splinters.
Me: Woo!
February 9th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
You are such an artisan.
Would you prefer it if I talked like that in reality instead of only in your dreams?
February 9th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Oh, are you implying that I may have exaggerated your speech patterns?
I hardly see how that is possible; I would NEVER exaggerate!
February 13th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
That’s better. Come back anytime.
Are you sure you didn’t pick up this Matthew character at the Stratford Festival?