Want to know what I did yesterday?Â Of course you do.Â You got up this morning thinking, “What did Karen do yesterday?”Â All right then!Â Stop twisting my arm!Â Ow!
This is what I did:
1.Â Spent $100 at vet for thick white fluid in small bottles meant to be handily squirted into cat’s mouth twice a day, and also for an entire case of prescription canned cat food that of course looks and smells identical to regular cat food but costs four times as much.
2.Â Chased Blood-Dripping Peeing Razor Blades in Inappropriate Places Cat around the house in a vain attempt to deter said cat from leaving bright red spots on the rented carpet whenever he headed purposefully for a corner.
3.Â Told landlord, “Sure, bring someone over tomorrow to have a look at buying the place!Â What do I care!”
4.Â Ran around insanely throwing things into drawers and closets.Â Looked at said rented carpet with loathing.Â If I issue them green glasses at the door, the green will cancel out any red they see, right?
5.Â Met with patchouli-scented petsitter who will happily inject said cat’s mouth with said white cat-fluid twice a day (for a fee) while I am away later this week and next, since I know damn well that 12-year-old boys will not.Â At least not the one I know.
6.Â Taxes!Â Something about taxes!
7.Â Regretted not having sent in those estimated self-employment tax payments all last year.
8.Â Work.Â Because “working from home” means, uh, working.Â From home.Â However to the unaided eye, “work” can look an awful lot like “doing something on a computer.”Â So I’ll clear that up and just say I spent 3 hours at work.
9.Â Painfully swallowed more than 4,600,000 times.Â Because someone came in the night and filled my throatÂ full of shards of glass and strep-laden steel wool.