Lion and Magic Boy

Yes, I am a victim. Although I often decry the victim mentality that’s so prevalent these days, I am one myself now.

Because the “high-speed internet” promised on the website of the hotel we stayed at this past weekend? Was possibly the Slowest Internet Ever, worse even than the 14.4 kbps dialup we all used to have. (Remember those days? And it all seemed so new?)

So I am catching up on 5 days of Unintentionally-Inflicted Internet Abuse.  Not to mention all the other abuses heaped upon us from our 4-night stay there, like the breakfast-that-wasn’t, the not-so-free-parking, or the fact that every other room in the hotel was occupied by college students convening in the hallways and in the room next door to ours.

Oh! My workshop in Tucson went wonderfully. The people there were all warm and lovely, and I couldn’t have had a nicer venue in which to teach people all about finding their personal power animals or connecting with their spiritual guides. And the best part was that I ate Mexican food every day. Every day! There was a little place down the street from the hotel where you could get two breakfast burritos, humongous things the size of a horse’s penis (thankfully I didn’t make this connection until just now while searching for an appropriate analagy; noticing that over the weekend would have made consuming one a very different experience) filled with scrambled eggs and ham and cheese and stuff and doused with two kinds of salsa, for $5. Five! Dollars!

And there were mountains all around, reddish rocky ones, and there was a hot tub under the stars. And channeling for all those wonderful warm people was like touching their souls, truly an honor.

So if you live in the southwest, I’ll be back there in Tucson doing this again. Soon. You can subscribe to my announcements!

The sad part: Matthew took a plane this past Monday that was pointed in one direction, and my plane was pointed in another. So I am fighting having to get used to the Matthew-shaped energetic hole left here. And everything else that goes along with that.

First! I have a new website! Well, not “new” exactly, but it looks completely different and has all kinds of great new stuff, so go! Take a look!

You should know, though, that when I say “I” made a new website, I really mean “Matthew” made a new website.  For me. Though I did a lot. Okay, he did a lot. We all know that. I am forever indebted. And I may never completely learn Joomla, and I have accepted that. I’ve moved on.  Don’t give it another thought.

So! Here I am in Atlanta! And when I say “Atlanta” I actually mean “the airport somewhere near the city of Atlanta,” because I am only here for three hours sucking electricity out through some holes in a column next to this rather uncomfortable blue vinyl seat while I (and when I say “I”, I mean “we”) await our next airplane, the one bound for Tucson where I am giving a metaphysical workshop for a group of people there this weekend.

And I also hear there is a pool. And it is something close to 80 degrees there. So after the workshops I am giving on connecting to your Power Animal and Learning to Channel and two group channeling demonstrations and personal channeling sessions, I will be ready to douse my fire in the pool. And then maybe the hot tub. And then some decent Mexican food, because there is none in all of Pennsylvania, and believe me I have checked.

And then after the workshop weekend Matthew and I will board separate planes bound in opposite directions, and I will come home to a very much more empty house.

And then the next chapter begins.

Woo!

There. I got that out of my system.

Wait a minute, no I didn’t after all. Hang on. Woo!

Okay, there. I think I can talk now.

It’s been a week, hasn’t it? I mean, it’s been A WEEK! Not only has it been a week since I wrote last, about the lovely Valentine’s poem (has it only been a week since then???!), but lots has happened. Not so much on an external level, but internally, boy, things are MOVING!

First. I saw an actual doctor! For an actual physical-malady-thing! I won’t bore you with the details, but it involves peeing and razor blades and drugs, all things I highly recommend you avoid. Except maybe the peeing; that’s hard to avoid. But I’m good now, or on the way to good. So, One Down, and it didn’t feel so terrible to be one of the millions who fall through the health-insurance-free cracks. (Yay for being self-employed!)

Second. Matthew is still here! Imagine my surprise (and his, probably) to find him still here on a two-week visit that began two months ago. And, well, there is transformation with that. Like with everything. Not that I would jinx anything by talking about it, but maybe! And I am still feeling privateish about this relationship, like maybe it’s a gossamer-thin bubble, so delicate that breathing on it even gently will cause it to disappear. Like one day I will wake up and open my eyes and find I have dreamed all this. So I will remain in dreamland just for now, that delicious feeling when you are still warm in bed and half-awake and you know you don’t have to get up yet or even quite awaken from that dream.

Third. I read this post the other day and was amazed at the words exchanged between mother and daughter, the openness about past hurts and present pain, even the blaming. It seemed wrong to me at first, and then it began to seem very right. It got me to thinking. Remember when I wrote this? Since then I have avoided contact with my mother, mostly because It’s Our Way, the Avoidance of Talking About Anything Emotional. But I am getting ready to have some confrontation. I’m completely frightened of it, yet I feel drawn to it at the same time. There are things I really, really need to say, things I don’t even quite yet know what they are but will figure out in the process. So much has been buried for so long, and I don’t want to hold onto it anymore.

Oh yes, it’s Valentine’s Day! As sappy and fake as it is, a holiday crafted by greeting-card manufacturers and candymakers to commemorate the grisly death of a martyred Roman saint, I love this day. I love the little romantic gesture (or even the grand romantic gesture as long as it doesn’t involve having to carry around a 2-foot tall greeting card for an entire day), no matter on what day it occurs.

It was a poem. A Shakespearean sonnet, to be exact. And I would have received it on time, that is, on The Day, today, if I hadn’t been (oops) looking over someone’s shoulder at his laptop a couple of days ago, at which time the element of surprise had been removed. Oops.

You want to read it, don’t you? Sorry, it’s for me. But every time I read it I get the same feeling. Here, then, are the last two lines:

But if the sun’s envy were felt in red hue
It’s at how bright in love I am with you.

[contented sigh]

I love Valentine’s Day.

It’s been (pronounced “bean,” sort of) brought to my attention recently that I may have treated an entire country too harshly. Yes, I have dissed the whole nation of Canada. That vast blank pink space vaguely located “up” from where I live. That one.

I must make amends.

I also have to rectify a slight error I made in recounting a conversation Matthew and I had about Niagara Falls. He didn’t actually say “woo,” and this error causes me to prostrate myself with humble grief and perhaps some chocolate. This is the actual conversation:

Me: (after approximately 1.45 minutes at the falls) Okay, I’ve seen it.

Matthew: Then please allow me to escort you inside, my lady, and show you proper respect and obeisance. And also maybe massage your feet.

Me: Sure.

Matthew: Shall I use my cloak to cover this small puddle so your oh-so-attractive-yet-somehow-overlarge sheeplike boots are not sullied with moisture?

Me: Ummmm…

Matthew: Allow me to whittle this wooden bench for the pleasure of placing your shapely backside upon it to rest your weariness from the short walk we have just undertaken. My apologies for my failure to carry you farther.

Me: Knock yourself out.

Matthew: Perhaps my lady would care to enjoy the earth emanations arising from the large quantity of water falling rapidly just outside this humble palacelike arcade by placing her shapeliness upon said bench? Oh, and watch for splinters.

Me: Woo!

Item: same brand/type contact lens solution.

Item: practically the same prescription.  Eerie!

Item: the aforementioned.

I mean, seriously, what other criteria can there be that are as meaningful?

I awoke at 3:30 this morning to the sound of Eric’s sudden aquisition of croup. This is NOT my preferred way to wake up, and the time left something to be desired as well.  I spent an hour holding him semi-upright so he could start breathing again, but I never quite got back to sleep. This morning he’s quite hoarse but is otherwise in decent condition, though I kept him home from school anyway (judgment call since he wasn’t eating and was instead reclining semi-comatose with his head on the kitchen table).

But lying on the couch watching “Curious George” isn’t a terrible way to spend a morning when you’re four, and hey, time to post! Which you may have noticed I haven’t been doing much of!

Though I may soon suggest to Eric that he write my posts while I lie on the couch, since he was the one who slept last night.

There’s a new post up today over at Work It, Mom! You are checking there regularly, aren’t you? Because I am brilliant, of course.

So yesterday was Christmas, in case anyone didn’t notice. I think it would be difficult in this society, even if one did not actually celebrate the holiday, to be completely oblivious to it; it’s so pervasive anymore.

Anyway, the kids got lightsabers. And one got a laptop. And one got a clock. And one got blocks that stick together. I’ll leave it up to you to determine who got what. Matthew and I didn’t exchange gifts, as in the weeks preceding his visit here he wasn’t exactly in a shopping mode, and I was too paralyzed by possible awkwardness to even put thought to it, but the past ten days have been a gift in themselves as far as I’m concerned, and Santa did leave a bit of chocolate in his stocking, so I think all the bases were well covered.

So I hope you had a decent holiday, however it was spent. I seem to be feeling I’m in a bit of stasis, waiting for something to happen, though I still don’t quite know what. It’s a little exciting and a little frightening both, knowing it’s an interesting story but not knowing yet what the ending is like. Don’t you love these tantalizing tidbits? Whatever could be I talking about??

Update: For a bit of Matthew’s brilliance, go here.

Why yes, I’ve been neglecting you.

Um, it’s for a good cause though. Really.

Actually, in many ways, life has been more internal lately. This past weekish. Lots of input, the good kind, and lots to process. And yes, I’m being a little circumspect, but isn’t it fun guessing what I’m talking about?

And then there’s been the more mundane sort of fun. Like not-too-sweet gingerbread men. And hearing Shadow (the black one) howling from behind the garage door because it was another birthday this week which meant it was time to leak ass blood all over. Again. See? Fun!

And also there’s the rampup to some sort of holiday tomorrow. Serena has been smiling secretly as she escapes into her room to create, craft, and wrap some mysterious packages. Me, I went the trying-to-be-less-of-a-consumer route without everyone feeling completely bereft.

Oh, and Matthew has beat all my hard-won high scores in Dynomite and has left his good-natured teasing tracks all over my computer. Don’t worry, I’ll get him back somehow. There has to be something I’m better at.

Tomorrow morning I get to wake before dawn to make my early-morning flight to Colorado. It’ll be six days in the state I lived in for a year, the state I moved from under duress a year ago, the state I figure no longer feels like home. I can look forward to six days of low humidity, hiking and wonderful connection with nature and the mountains, connecting with other spiritually-minded people, and well, connecting. Connecting.

Except with the internet. Six days without email will be…interesting. Though frankly I doubt I will miss it. No offense.

I’ll see you when I get back.

[tags] travel, flying, Colorado, Michael teachings[/tags]

Some people like being totally “out there”. Me, I like the public aspects of blogging but there’s an anonymity to it also. For me there is, anyway, and I’ve noticed that each blogger seems to have a different definition of that.

However, whyever am I talking about anonymity when it’s Matthew’s birthday? Here’s a man, by the way, who has more facial expressions than anyone else I know. I spent a minute or two with my camera and brought home fifteen different looks. Slightly out of focus (evidently the camera liked the painting on the wall behind him, and I liked it too), well more than slightly perhaps, but here’s a glimpse anyway:

What, you don’t like that one? Then how about this one:

Ack. Never mind, I changed my mind. Too out of focus.

By the way, not to change the subject but obviously I am doing so anyway, if you haven’t seen this amazing video compilation yet, you might enjoy it.